Facing What We Fear: On Death, Authenticity, and Becoming Whole
- Alex Albert-McCoy
- Nov 19
- 4 min read
When I pulled the following cards, I knew I needed to write about this. With the upcoming New Moon in Scorpio, the synchronicity was clear.
Has anyone else grown up watching spirit mysteries and ghost hunter shows? Maybe it’s the Scorpio in me. What began as an intrigue slowly progressed into fear. My first encounters with death and dying were with pets, many of whom faced tragic incidents. This was so poignant for my younger self, who felt a kindred connection to animals.
I recall a specific moment in my youth when I was lying in my bed at night with the door cracked open slightly, and the light of the living room was gently filtering through, with my parents’ voices. I felt pangs of intense emotion at the realization that they would someday pass away. For many years, I tried my hardest not to pay attention to these thoughts and tuck away the images of what might / would / could inevitably happen someday. Gradually, this existential anxiety extended to all the people I loved, to the lethal atrocities that continue to occur worldwide… and toward my own fate.
The breathlessness. The palpitations. The ball in my throat. The churning in my stomach. The restlessness and unease. The despair. Yet, these feelings felt so isolated as no one seemed to talk about this. I now understand that we live in a Western culture that, for the most part, sweeps it under the rug and into the shadows, or presents a merely manicured, polished version.
How could we be prepared to face one of the most powerfully beautiful and transformative, yet terrifying and agonizing initiations of our existence if there aren’t many spaces to integrate such deep explorations?
It wasn’t until 2019 that I committed to confronting these fears. I did so mostly through books, writing, and talking about it. My spiritual practice provided some ease in my pursuit of the underworld, as I nestled into the unchanging essence and conscious presence that is never born and never dies but just is.
While a younger version of me believed that allowing these thoughts and feelings to emerge would be overwhelming, I learned that confronting them felt refreshing and incredibly meaningful. It normalized the inescapable and softened the intensity of feelings.
Don’t get me wrong—these contemplations continue to flow through my heart-mind regularly, but it is now woven into the tapestry of my Self.
As Temple and Gall (2018) put it:
“All human beings experience life’s givens or the ultimate concerns of death, isolation, freedom, and meaninglessness. Whether there is awareness or not, these givens influence how individuals interact and relate to self, others, and the world. Failure to understand these existential concerns can lead an individual to behave inauthentically in relation to her core values.”
Confronting existential concerns and engaging in a depth-oriented approach to therapy and healing can thus increase people's capacity to live authentically with a more integrated sense of self, which, in turn, increases mental well-being, life satisfaction, and quality of life (Solobutina & Miyassarova, 2019). It’s no surprise that contemplating mortality and impermanence has been practiced for millennia in Buddhist and yogic traditions for reducing suffering, fostering resilience, and awakening us to more presence (Namdul, 2021; Patanjali, 1990).
I am moved by the seasonal cycle as Nature so eloquently models the cycle of birth, life, death, and renewal.
I am grateful for the Scorpio // Pluto // Mars archetypes for guiding us in metabolizing our shadows, transforming fears into passion, surrendering to forces beyond our control, and redirecting our power toward living purposefully and loving more deeply, knowing that our time on Earth is finite.
I am graced by common humanity, knowing that these archetypes are universal in the collective unconscious.
Now, consider: What truths are you afraid to face, yet know could set you free? Where are you ready to shed old skin?
May you have the emotional courage to allow your deepest, darkest thoughts and emotions to arise to the surface. May you welcome them with open arms and invite them to awaken and guide you home to wholeness—even when you least expect it.
May you find places, tools, and relationships where the taboo can safely emerge from the dark, murky, deep waters. (And if these contemplations feel heavy on the heart, consider connecting with a mental health professional who can walk alongside you with care.)
May the truth set you free.
~ Thank you, merci, miigwetch.
Alex Albert-McCoy, Of The Wild
Hi/bonjour! I'm a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), Counselling Astrologer, and Certified Yoga Teacher. I use trauma-informed, depth-oriented, and holistic approaches to guide you on your journey home to your authentic Self.
References
Namdul, T. (2021). Re-Examining Death: Doors to Resilience and Wellbeing in Tibetan Buddhist Practice. Religions, 12(7), 522. https://doi.org/10.3390/rel12070522
Patanjali. (1990). The Yoga-Sūtras of Patañjali: A New Edition, Translation, and Commentary by Edwin F. Bryant. North Point Press.
Solobutina, M. M., & Miyassarova, L. R. (2019). Dynamics of existential personality fulfillment in the course of psychotherapy. Behavioral Sciences, 10(1), 21. https://doi.org/10.3390/bs10010021
Temple, M., & Gall, T. L. (2018). Working through existential anxiety toward authenticity: A spiritual journey of meaning making. Journal of Humanistic Psychology, 58(2), 168–193. https://doi.org/10.1177/0022167816629968
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